WOW! Reality! It really IS a Concept.

Well I know I failed miserably in keeping a daily "blog" log. Honestly... some days were just not that eventful. My Pre-Op has yet to be logged in, I will try and recount this for you now. I WILL say it was better than the sadistic MRI. I def made all the people I met w/that day laugh. Blood was drawn... oh if I knew at this point just how much blood would be drawn once surgery cam around... I would have run... very far away. I have the worst fear of needles. You must know this about me and yeah, yeah, yeah... I know... I have tattoos... oh so very different. Maybe I'd like shots more if people knew how to give them & if the person administering them is hot. All the tat artists I've had work on me are super hot so... no pain... well... no pain, but you come to take me blood... I cry like a damn baby. So... with this said... I thought for the sake of this blog I would document the blood taking seeing as I thought they wouldn't be doing this again, I mean I thought it was ballsy of me. God what a dipshit misconception that was.

Well here ya go... the only blood taking you will see captured on film. The half clover made me think of a Shamrock Shake:

Honestly... pre-op was more about a sort of meet & greet w/the anesthesiologist (who by the way I didn't meet with. She was a rep for him) they ask you all sorts of invasive questions, what drugs have you done? What are you taking now prescription/recreational, your diet, how much you drink... etc., etc.

I was then sent off w/my prescription for the pre-surgery" cleanse. Keep in mind... all I could read in the prescription was Bisacodyl, something I know well of... laxative. Big whoop I did those horse size pills for my pre-op cleanse before my colonoscopy. I got this. Well since my surgery was scheduled until April 8th, that kind of change my family's original plans. See we thought when I met w/Ira on the 21st we were going to be able to schedule the surgery for the 25th. Yeah I know... none of us were thinking. We didn't know I had to get the MRI and forgot completely about the whole pre-op prior to the actual pre-op. So my brother & his family were off to Utah to ski for the kid's spring break bu they'd be back the day before surgery so for me... it was off to a nice relaxing week @ my mom's house where there are dogs a plenty running around, kitties to cuddle with & a pool to sit aside & just catch up w/mom and enjoy mother daughter time.

So on Friday April 1st, my brother & I were off on a 3 hr drive to my mom's in Aiken, SC. Good time to catch up. We had planned on picking up my prescription from CVS on the way out. Well last minute, my nephew needed a ride to something so we drove him, I got to send him off w/a hug & asked that he please be safe snowboarding on spring break & to come back in 1 piece. So goodbye's were made and we were off. Now keep in mind... not sure where the both of us got it, but my brother & I have a very heavy foot when it comes to driving, so speed limits are broken. We're in his Dodge Charger which is also the official cop car of at least the ATL. cops & his car is black so when people see him coming they move, not to mention my brother is hitting speeds... well he's going fast :) I love it. We're cruising making great time and suddenly I remember almost 2 hours in... uh oh... we forgot my prescription. No biggie we can have them resend it to a local pharmacy near my mom. Great settled.

My brother decided to pick-up my prescription & send it to my mom's. Now I won't bore you with the whole week spent w/my mom. We had a great mother daughter time. I'd prefer to keep it between us, but there were lots of laughs, one night finally of pent up tears from the both of us and then the night before we are leaving.... the package arrives w/my prescription. It's a huge box. I thought... now that's a LOT of laxatives. Or... maybe my brother through in a fun kit. So my mom & I open a bottle of wine and have our evening cheers & I decide no better time than the present to open the box. Well what I pulled out & laid my eyes upon was nothing more than an array of well... let me tell you this... my mother & I took one look at the "kit" no not a fun one, we took a sip from our wine & began laughing hysterically. Laid before me was the biggest jug that had what I can only guess was something to the likes of epsom salt, 4 "flavor" packs & 2 horse pill sized pills in a bottle. Those turned out to be the easiest to deal with. This jug... I could only question this... was I doing 36 loads of laundry? Filling up an empty tank of gas? Or was I filling a cat box. This jug per the directions was to be filled w/water to the fill line & 8oz was to be consumed every 10 minutes until contents of said jug were finished. Say what now? I looked at my mom and said there was no way. I didn't consume that much water in 2 days!!! Hell, much less that much booze on a weekend night. This was... this was ridiculous. Are you kidding me? My mom said there must be a mistake. We would call the doctor in the morning. Well here for all of you to see is just what my mother & I first laid eyes upon:

Yeah... I know... ridiculous right?

Come to the next morning. Thursday April 7th. I got hold of the chief resident Jason who informs me that I should try & drink as much of the contents as possible. I then informed him I had to make a 3 hour drive back to Cumming, GA today. How could this be done. He asks what time we plan to depart I say 3 he says begin at 2.

2pm... 1st drink... now these "flavor" packs... not all are to be used they give you 4 to choose 1 from. I have orange, lemon-lime, pineapple & cherry. Crap... I wondered if I could mix it w/vodka considering I had to begin my clear diet that day which meant nothing but clear liquids... vodka is clear as is wine. After all the jokes I chose orange. Worthless choice as would any of the 4. My first 8oz was so freakin' gross. It was salty, but not a good salty, it was... I really honestly don't know how to describe the taste. Nasty just plain and simple nasty. 2:10 2nd 8oz, 2:20 3rd, 2:30 4th... I am starting to gag now. I haven't even made a dent. This was torture. 3pm just chugged my 7th 8oz & guess what? Time to go! Oh and the 2 pills were for low potassium I had had & this would fix that and those were like cupcakes compared to this crap.

The next 3 hours should be very interesting. My mom assures me she is prepared.
Oh I was told I could mix it w/ginger ale so I did that hence the large jug. Note to self... ginger-ale + Bisacodyl = not the best idea. Whoever told me to do that... thanks for the gas!

And we were off. Every 10 minutes I am unhappily and unwillingly on it drinking the salty shit. I am bloated, about to barf, but I can't do that because then I'd have to start all over... oh mother of god make it stop. Is this worse than the MRI? In a differnt way. I can't understand why I had to do this. I had pills for my colonoscopy... my COLON needed to be clean for that I get it, but for removal of internal objects? Really? Really? I deserved a hug by this point. Then...
Yep... 1st stop! There actually and amazingly only a total of 3 stops before we got to my brother's, but they were stops never to be forgotten. Also now keep in mind I have gotten almost 3/4 of the way through & my mom said I could probably give it a rest. I gladly did. We get to my brother's in no sooner time... I need to go potty & damn I need a cigarette, but have none. Life was cruel. After the 4th bathroom visit I went up to my nephew's room & threw myself on the floor to him begging him to drive his Auntie Laurie to get cigarettes. He's 16 has his license & loves any chance he can get to drive so I knew he'd oblige. I love my nephew. Now keep in mind... I have had NOTHING I mean NOTHING to eat & I am cranky & hungry. I buy some Smartfood. I think... a few bites won't hurt. Incidentally... it didn't. We get home & cocktail hour has begun w/out me which makes me cranky cause I needed to catch up. Yes... my doc said I could have some wine since it's clear. Well I had 3, tried ignoring the yummy smells emanating from everyon's plate. Me... I had beef broth & was eating no sodium beef boullion from a mini packet. Hey I was hungry! Then it was time... time to take a xanax & be prepapred to wake up at 4am (about 4 1/2 hrs from now) to be at Emory by 5:30am to get prepped from my 7:30am surgery. Oh joy! Before I went to bed I had a few very tearful calls w/friends. This was all very real now & I was scared shitless. I wanted to turn back, not pass go & go directly to jail rather than to surgery. Oh fuck why??? What am I being taught here? Please don't tell me this is some god intervention thing. I can't handle this I want to go home. Hell... I'd rather be at work than go through this. I'll sit through all the Twilight movies for a week rather than deal w/this. Ok, ok... I'll eat more vegetables, less meat, drink le... oh screw that. That is my vice... anything, anything but getting sliced open. Can't they vacuum it out? Can I have a do-over? Can I wake up now. PLEASE? I'll try to be a better person, I'll spread the word, I'll do all the runs and walks for cancer... I'll sponsor a child... Hell a whole village in Africa... please... ANYTHING... don't put me under & cut me up.

To be continued...

In the meantime sisters & brothers as I keep pleading... please check yourself before... screw wrecking yourself... check yourself before you're placed in this situation. Avoid this at all costs so go get checked cause early detection is key!

Ovaries Out! (this is still to be determined by the way)